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My 18-year-old daughter is having a baby with my stepson
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This may turn out to be the terrible mistake you foresee but you must get behind this young couple and support them, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 11. We have children but not together. My daughter was five when we met, she is now 18 and my husband’s only child is 22. He recently moved back home with us and he and my daughter formed a very close relationship with each other. Back in July 2017, it came to light that my stepson and my daughter were having a sexual relationship. This has been going on for six months now and I recently found out that she is pregnant. I have seen my daughter for a total of an hour in the past five months as she moved out with my stepson to his mother’s. We have tried to talk on the phone, but it never ends well. I know some people feel it’s OK because they are not blood related, but they were raised as family and my husband and I feel betrayed and our family circle is broken. I miss my daughter like crazy, but I worry that the more I try the more damage is being caused. I want us to be a part of each other’s lives, but I am too hurt and can’t accept this. My heart is just too broken and I’m confused, conflicted and at a loss.
Mariella replies Get over it. These kids are young adults now and about to have a baby. Whatever your reservations were and no matter how justified your misgivings, the horse has well and truly bolted and your only option is to get behind your daughter and stepson and give them your support.
Life has its way of surprising us no matter how hard and fast we make our plans. With two children roughly the same age coming into close proximity the stage was set for bitter enmity, bored co-existence or forbidden passion. Yours have clearly opted for the latter and I’m afraid your rigid opposition and focus on your own sense of betrayal rather than their impulse to connect may be partly the cause. Who doesn’t want to rebel against their parents? And if you have ready access to a weapon of such potential outrage it’s pretty tempting to deploy it.
However justified, your rigid opposition may be partly the cause
My 18-year-old daughter is having a baby with my stepson
This may turn out to be the terrible mistake you foresee but you must get behind this young couple and support them, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 11. We have children but not together. My daughter was five when we met, she is now 18 and my husband’s only child is 22. He recently moved back home with us and he and my daughter formed a very close relationship with each other. Back in July 2017, it came to light that my stepson and my daughter were having a sexual relationship. This has been going on for six months now and I recently found out that she is pregnant. I have seen my daughter for a total of an hour in the past five months as she moved out with my stepson to his mother’s. We have tried to talk on the phone, but it never ends well. I know some people feel it’s OK because they are not blood related, but they were raised as family and my husband and I feel betrayed and our family circle is broken. I miss my daughter like crazy, but I worry that the more I try the more damage is being caused. I want us to be a part of each other’s lives, but I am too hurt and can’t accept this. My heart is just too broken and I’m confused, conflicted and at a loss.
Mariella replies Get over it. These kids are young adults now and about to have a baby. Whatever your reservations were and no matter how justified your misgivings, the horse has well and truly bolted and your only option is to get behind your daughter and stepson and give them your support.
Life has its way of surprising us no matter how hard and fast we make our plans. With two children roughly the same age coming into close proximity the stage was set for bitter enmity, bored co-existence or forbidden passion. Yours have clearly opted for the latter and I’m afraid your rigid opposition and focus on your own sense of betrayal rather than their impulse to connect may be partly the cause. Who doesn’t want to rebel against their parents? And if you have ready access to a weapon of such potential outrage it’s pretty tempting to deploy it.
However justified, your rigid opposition may be partly the cause